Desert Rose
by aa cohen
Summary: A dream inspires Chandler to change his life. I can't really summarize this one, it weird, it's probably different than most of the things you've read, I just felt like posting it. It's a short story focused on Chandler.


_The sun was standing high in the sky above him, its heat the only thing his mind still knew. He didn't know how long he had been walking already, didn't know where to. Wherever his eyes turned to look he would see sand that reflected the hot rays of light from the gigantic star above him that showed no mercy as it deprived him of all strength he had. He was so weak that he couldn't even moan from the pain he felt, as he fell to his knees and his hands touched the sand. The sand that was as hot as glowing coals. The sand of the desert he was lost in. How did he get here anyway? Since when was he walking aimlessly through the dunes and why all alone? Why did it feel like his flesh was on fire?_

_Chandler closed his eyes as he rolled onto his back, preparing himself to accept the thought that he would die there. Everything hurt, but when he would open his mouth to let out a cry, no sound would escape because his throat was dry. Just like the rest of his body. He closed his eyes and dreamed of rain..._

---

"How is he feeling?" Joey asked timidly, entering the room that Chandler lay in. Chandler had been lying in bed for two days already. When he would wake up from his restless sleep, he wouldn't realize where he was or who he was with. By now he was delirious and never really woke up, he constantly tossed and turned in bed though.

Monica looked up at Joey with worried eyes. She sighed, the pain she felt evident: "The doctors say it's going to be ok, that he just has to get past this delirious state now, but it seems it's just getting worse."

Joey stepped up to the bed his friend lay in. Placing a hand on Chandler's forehead he wondered: "Why is he sweating so much? He doesn't have a fever!"

Monica shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Joey, would you bring me some fresh cloths and water?" "Yeah, sure", Joey nodded, walking out to get what he was asked to bring.

---

_It took Chandler a while to realize that there was something wet at his lips. When his consciousness came back slowly, he also noticed that the sun's light wasn't dazzling his eyes anymore through his closed eyelids, like it had done before. It took a lot of his energy to open his eyes, but when he did he stared into a pair of other eyes. They were a dark green, surrounded by long black lashes and their mysterious beauty was emphasized by the black and dark red make-up applied on their eyelids. When Chandler took in the rest of the face that pair of eyes belonged to, he realized that a girl was kneeling beside him, blocking the sun. Her long black hair hung down her shoulders to her waist in few thick braids. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen._

_When he opened his mouth to speak, still no sound would escape his lips. Then he felt it again, wet and slightly cool against his lips, flowing into his mouth. Water. It even took some strength to swallow it, but he did and his body reacted with a tingling, but also aching feeling. The more water he drank, the easier it ran down his throat and soon he gulped it down thirstily. When he had had enough, the girl traced his lips gently with two of her fingers. Chandler looked up at her, emotions mixed inside of him. His eyes told her his gratitude, but also observed her curiously. At the same time he wanted to cry at her chest, if only he had had the strength to do it and enough liquid inside of him to shed tears. He was scared and realized that the girl was all alone as well. Was she just as lost as he was? Or were people near, maybe even living somewhere in the desert? Would they die here together?_

_Before he had a chance to ask anything, the girl stood up. It was only now that Chandler could see her clothes. She looked like right out of one of the tales from Arabian Nights, with clothes that seemed to consist of only thousands of veils and golden chains that showed off her beautiful figure. A black bra-like top covered her breasts, attached to it were black and dark red see-through veils that hung loosely down her arms. Her legs were covered by also black pants, which also seemed made of veils, but her belly was bare and so were her feet. Chandler wondered bewildered how she could walk on the hot sand, how she could seem so well and strong, although they were surrounded by nothing. Nothing but sand and creeping death, it seemed. He also wondered if she would talk to him. Her face hadn't shown any expression yet, but therefore her eyes seemed to speak, sparkling with a hundred emotions. Her gaze was anything but neutral, but he couldn't tell whether her eyes loved him, hated him, were afraid or concerned or plain curious. It seemed like all of it. But what they said right now was: Get up! She was just standing above him, not doing anything, but somehow Chandler knew what she wanted him to do. So he tried to get up, but fell back onto his back, closing his eyes again. He felt pain and he felt that he wouldn't be able to defeat the sun's heat. When he opened his eyes again the girl still stood there, as if she was waiting for him. Chandler chose to ignore his body's pain and his mind that had given up before and scrambled to his feet somehow. As soon as he did, the girl turned her back to him and walked away. He wanted to follow, but wasn't fast enough and suddenly... she disappeared. All his eyes were still able to see was the reflected light from the sand that created surreal patterns in the air. She had walked into one of those pictures of light and disappeared from his view as if she had stepped into another realm. And all that was left of her was the sweet, intoxicating smell of her body..._

---

Monica was bringing a glass of water to Chandler's lips, forcing him to drink in small sips. Ross and Joey were sitting on the other side of the bed, watching with concern. Whenever Chandler woke out of his sleep for only a couple of minutes, they forced him to drink. Water, tea, soup, juice, anything was good, because in the state he was in, Chandler wasn't able to eat anything. What worried everyone even more was that he didn't stop sweating, although he still showed no sign of a fever. They were afraid that maybe the doctors hadn't diagnosed Chandler properly, that he probably had a virus or whatever. But they kept saying Chandler had only been extremely exhausted, which had led to his break down. That and the fact that he had been drinking constantly the past few months. The other guys had seen it coming, had tried to keep Chandler away from alcohol, but more and more often they had found themselves drinking with him. Everything had been going down for him, everything except his career, the one thing he hated. He had spent the last few months constantly flying back and forth between New York City and Tulsa, Oklahoma and it was wearing down on him. He worked constantly during the work week, sometimes all through the night, only stopping to get a cup of coffee. When he would go home, he'd go out with the gang, but something was different. He would drink excessively, non stop until Sunday night when he would have to sober up for his early morning flight to Tulsa the next day. He had also started to smoke again as well, but no one commented on it this time. They all knew how tired and stressed out he was and didn't want to add to that. Gradually, he had began to drink in the office when he worked late and no one was around, but he didn't stop when he got back to his hotel room. There he would drink all the bottles of liquor room service would give him until he would pass out. The only sleep he would get was a drunken slumber that would only last a few hours until he'd wake up with a massive hangover as he would get ready for work. His tight schedule was causing him extreme stress and anxiety, and it had finally gotten to the point where he physically and mentally couldn't handle it anymore. It took him away from the people he loved for five days out of the week causing him to suffer from loneliness, he hadn't had sex in six months, it was impossible for him to start up any relationship since he was never around and his fears of dying alone came back to him full force.

---

_Chandler didn't know what to do. He kept on walking aimlessly through the many dunes, always hoping the sight before him would change, when he made it over yet another one. But all he saw was sand. He didn't know how much time had passed since he was here, or how much time had passed since the mysterious girl had disappeared. To him it seemed like years. Like life-times. He felt as if he had died a thousand deaths in this desert already. He lifted his eyes to the sky. Never before had he seen a sky like this. It was blue, but it was empty. No clouds, no birds, nothing except the golden, blinding star that was the sun above him. Chandler knew he was running out of time. He couldn't survive here much longer. But there was no escape, was there? Closing his eyes, he gave up. Dying would be so easy. It couldn't hurt more than he was hurting already. He just had to lay down and sleep. And never wake up. He smiled as he felt his life draining out of him slowly. He had got used to the burning sensation on his skin, caused by the sun and the sand he was lying on. He was so out of it, out of his own body, that he couldn't feel the pain anymore. But once again he was brought back to life by that same cool feeling against his skin. This time water poured all over his face, in drops, as if a tiny cloud was letting raindrops fall down onto it._

_He opened his mouth, welcoming the drops, and opened his eyes as well. The girl was back, he noticed amazed. Her hand was lingering above his head. She was slowly pouring out a vase of water, letting the water splash on her hand, so that it fell all over his face. Chandler felt ashamed, when he saw the blaze of anger in her eyes and he knew that she was angry at him. It seemed she wanted to yell at him that she hadn't saved him, so that he could give up again. Chandler turned around, resting on his hands and knees. He looked up at her and she simply gave him a nod, her eyes not angry anymore, but still strict. Chandler took a deep breath, hating the feeling of hot, thick air filling his lungs. He needed to get out of this desert. He stood up, awed at the way the girl moved as she turned and started walking away from him. She moved like a cat, in perfect motion. Like a wave. Chandler's jaw threatened to drop, as he saw small flowers growing out of the sand, where her feet had touched it. This couldn't be happening, could it? Who was this girl? This time Chandler was determined not to lose her, to follow her to wherever it was she was going to. He willed his legs to move, and step by step followed the path of flowers. _

_----_

Joey had taken a turn in taking care of Chandler, while Monica had left to get rest and to eat. They were all still worried, but it seemed as though Chandler was coming around. He didn't toss and turn as much anymore, and sleep finally seemed to be helping and not haunting him. Joey soaked the cloth he was holding with water again, before he washed off the sweat on Chandler's face with it. He couldn't help but think that maybe this break down could be a blessing for his friend. If his body got used to being without alcohol for days, maybe it would be easier for Chandler to stop drinking completely. Joey knew that Chandler had to want that, that his addiction was an emotional, not a physical one. But maybe this would also be a warning for Chandler. Just maybe he would see better days again.

---

_He was so alone. He had never felt so lonely in his life. Panic rushed through his veins, now that that girl had convinced him once again to fight for his life. Panic, because he was still so confused. How and when the hell had he got here? Wasn't anybody looking for him? But when he tried to think of someone he would know, not a single face came to his mind. He couldn't even remember his own name, nor where he was coming from, (he couldn't have been born in this desert, or could he?) or where he should be instead._

_"Where are you?" Chandler managed to choke out, startled at his own voice. Raspy didn't come close to describing it. It sounded as if by now his voice was only sand, too, just like everything else surrounding him. He had lost her again. The flowers behind him had disappeared, and the ones ahead of him where still leading him nowhere. "Where are you?" he called out once again, just a little louder this time._

_"Right here." Chandler turned around in a swift motion, finding the girl right behind him. He stumbled a little, but regained balance again before he fell. He could do nothing but stare at her, once again being overwhelmed by his feelings. He didn't know where to start with his questions, didn't know how to thank her, didn't quite believe what was happening to him. "Why are you following me?" she asked friendly, but it didn't really sound like a question. Or maybe just like a question she wanted him to answer for himself, not for her.  
Chandler just kept on looking at her, more confused now._

_"Why are you following me?" she repeated._

_"What else should I do?" he managed to say. "I'm lost, I don't know where to go."_

_"Where do you want to go to?" she asked him, her eyes never leaving his, her gaze always confidant, self-assured._

_Chandler thought for a moment. Then he answered unsure: "I just want to get away. I want out... out of here, out of the desert. Maybe..." He paused to think again, his mind suddenly filled with pictures. His eyes lit up a little, but the hope in them vanished soon, as he realized how unrealistic his wish was. It would never be fulfilled. But in a quiet voice he told her anyway, what he wanted: "I want to go to the ocean."_

_She smiled. "So I'm asking you once again: why are you following me, if you want to go to the ocean?"_

_"I don't know how to get out. I don't know where to look for it", he replied, desperation evident in his voice._

_You are searching in the wrong places", she said._

_"I don't understand", he admitted._

_The girl's smile faded, but her eyes were still smiling at him, as she said: "You won't find what you are looking for in someone else. You won't find what you are looking for following someone else. Don't depend on others, don't search for your ocean around you. You've got to seek what is inside of you. There you will find what you want, what you need." While still contemplating her words, Chandler suddenly realized that she was once again disappearing, vanishing as she walked away from him._

_"How do I search inside myself?" he called after her. The girl just turned around and smiled at him brightly. Then she was gone._

---

Chandler woke up with a start. He quickly closed his eyes, blinded by the light above him. It was as blinding as the desert's sun, but something was different. He drew in a deep breath of the cool air in the room, greedy for it, as if he hadn't been breathing for minutes. His heavy breathing continued, as he took in his surroundings. "Thank God", it shot through his mind, "I'm out of the desert." Only then did he realize that he wasn't alone. The concerned eyes of Joey, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel were staring back at him. The blinding light came from the simple light in the room. His eyes, having been closed most of the time, had to get used to it again, that's why it had hurt at first.

"Chandler?" Monica asked. "Do you know where you are?" Her voice was full of hope. They had been asking him the same question every time he woke up, but never got an answer. This time she knew was different. His eyes were alert, comprehending.

"Hotel room?" Chandler asked tiredly, his voice hardly above a whisper. Then he shook his head. He now recognized where he was. "At home."

"Yeah", Joey smiled, as Monica and the others sighed relieved. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit", Chandler replied and coughed. "What happened?"

"You don't remember?" Joey asked.

They let Chandler think for a few moments. He forced the memories of the past days back into his mind, then answered: "Airport. I was about to go to Tulsa. Joey was with me."

Joey nodded. "You collapsed, you've been out like a light for almost four days."

Chandler groaned at the word "light". He clearly remembered his odyssey through the desert, the heat, the pain... The girl. He had been there for four days?

"Honey, probably you should rest some more," he heard Monica suggest. He was too tired to protest, too willing to sleep. He was so exhausted from everything.

"There he goes again," Rachel muttered, as Chandler fell asleep instantly.

"At least the worst is over," Ross said, and Monica nodded. It was only a matter of days now, until Chandler would be back on his feet.

-------

It was a month later that Chandler was sitting at the airport, waiting for his flight to be called. A smile played on his lips as he thought amused and happily that he had actually done it. He had quit his horrible job that he hated with a passion and was going away. He wasn't worried, he had lots of money in his savings account. All he was worried about now was relaxing and finding something that he could do that made him happy. The words the mysterious girl had said to him in his dream, or whatever it had been, hadn't left his mind and he had been thinking about it constantly, but he hadn't shared his "experience" with anyone. Finally he had realized that there was truth in her words, which had led to his decision to quit his job.

"Are you sure you want to go away, alone?" Joey had asked timidly. He was a little frightened to let Chandler go away alone and not have anyone there for him in case he started drinking again. He hadn't touched alcohol since his breakdown, but he knew it only took one drink to start the deadly spiral again. He was really worried about Chandler lately, ever since the day he had woken up he had not been his normal self and now he was going away. The worst part was that Chandler refused to tell anyone where he was going and for how long. All he said was that his cell phone would be on in case of emergencies.

"Yes", Chandler had quickly said, then had regretted it already as he saw the hurt look on Joey's face. "I just know I need this time to get away and to become a sane person again. I just need some time alone."

Joey sadly asked: "Why do you have to get away from us? Why don't we all go somewhere together? Maybe that would help. Talking about everything, ya know."

Ross had nodded, agreeing with Joey for the same reasons. He had still been worried about Chandler and his alcohol abuse and hadn't wanted him to be alone, without anyone who knew about his problem too.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Chandler had answered Joey honestly. "Joe, I think it's time all of us start standing on our own feet. Depending on no one else but ourselves. It can't go on like this, I know I can always come to you with my problems, and I'll always be here to help you anyway I can, but by now I stopped making my own decisions. Everybody knows what my life should be like, other people were deciding where I was going to be tomorrow and they all think they know who I am. Everybody except myself seems to know who I am and what I should be doing. It has to stop, Now. All of us have arrived at our breaking points at one point or another. If I don't get this time away, I'm afraid of what might happen. I barely have a life anymore and if things continue the way they have, I don't think I have much of a future." Chandler had stopped and looked at his friends, trying to figure out their reactions.

To make a long story short, they had all agreed with him. They knew he was right.  
They all knew that things would work out the way they were supposed to be. Chandler would return to them eventually and things will go back to a new sort of normal. They hugged him goodbye as he walked into the airport and went to the gate printed on his ticket.

"Flight 374, New York to Cairo, Egypt will begin boarding momentarily."

Chandler's head jerked up. That was his flight. What exactly had driven him to do so, he didn't know, but he had decided to fly to Egypt. One reason was that after all he had experienced in his delirious state, something called him. A quiet voice in the back of his mind, memories, curiosity. The desert was calling him and he wouldn't resist. He had survived once. Now he was out to find his ocean.

The End

---

_I dream of rain  
I dream of gardens in the desert sand  
I wake in pain  
I dream of love as time runs through my hands _

_I dream of fire  
These dreams are tied to a horse that will never tire  
And in the flames  
Her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire_

_This desert rose  
Each of her veils a secret promise  
This desert flower  
No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this_

_And as she turns  
This way she moves in the logic of all my dreams  
This fire burns  
I realize that nothing's as it seems _

_I dream of rain_

_I lift my gaze to empty skies above_

_I close my eyes_

_This rare perfume is the sweet intoxication of her love_

_Lyrics taken from "Desert Rose";  
Written and composed by Sting;  
Performed by Sting and Cheb Mami_


End file.
